the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
