morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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