come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
