dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
kristin has been a bad kristin
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
