Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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