IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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