I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How does one acquire holy water?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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