After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
