At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
