He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
