Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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