I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
