How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
