I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize