She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
