You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
