Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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