i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
