and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
