But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
