The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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