Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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