Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
