If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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