Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
