ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
