I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
