we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
