we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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