I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
