she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
