Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
