Don't you send me to vm
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
