I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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