i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
