I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Houston, we have a blender
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
