wakey wakey hands off snakey
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
