He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize