party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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