Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
