I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
