After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
