Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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