alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
