Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
