I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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