I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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