If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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