Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
