So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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