Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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