Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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