it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
