none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
