dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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