Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
