Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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