He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
why is half of my head shaved?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
