I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize