your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
