i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize