don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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