Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
