Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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