Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
