Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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