My friends, they love my intelligence
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
