how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My vagina just clenched in fear
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
