The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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