shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
