Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
