I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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