But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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