im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
