do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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