I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
