A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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