all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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