its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I party with great urgency now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
