my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
