this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
