I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
