yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
