Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
