Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
