He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How's work?
Spinning.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize