Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
