I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
