Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize