Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
