i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
