he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
