Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
