the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize