you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
