she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize