Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
