dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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