Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
