We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
