I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
