3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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