She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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