My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
