Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We have so much sex to catch up on
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
