quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
