You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
