Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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