Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
