I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
