i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
