I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
