He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
