i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize