I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
