From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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