It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm at about main and main street
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
