Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
