May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
