there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize