Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
